The Reality

Crystal Uncategorized

Jonathan left for Costa Rica yesterday morning, and I feel like my body has not been able to calm down since. I slept about three hours between waking on Friday and midnight on Saturday, which just does not happen for me. When I’m stressed, my body’s normal response is to go into hibernation mode and hope things have calmed down by the time I wake. I finally fell asleep last night, but slept a normal eight hours. I probably need more.

I feel almost paralyzed by reality. 

Thankfully, my friend Beka, the sister of my soul that I only see about once a year even though we’ve lived in the same city for the last four, had already made plans to come over last night. We sat and talked and then I foisted two giant totes of kitchen goods off on her. Cleaning the kitchen has been the to-do list item hanging over my head for weeks, and she helped me get to a better place with that.

I’ve been surprised at how much I’ve needed people to balance me in the last twenty-four hours. I’m the person who thinks they’d love being a hermit for a year — sitting up in the mountains, alone, chilling with myself and my rock pets. The next two weeks will tell, but I have a growing suspicion that I am not as content alone as I’ve often thought I am. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely need my alone time, but doing things for others grounds me. When it comes to doing things for myself, like running out to get food or doing laundry or planning the rest of this move, I’m so lazy. But when I’m doing things for others, taking care of myself is just something that goes in tandem with it.

I’m lazy, and extreme laziness can lead to extreme efficiency. I don’t like doing anything extra when it can be streamlined and pared down to the essentials.

So sometime today, I’m going to get up and do something. I know that statement goes against every goal planning advice ever. It’s not specific. It’s not, I’m going to sort the remaining clothes into donation piles and take all the donation bags to Goodwill. (But that’s a pretty dang good goal.) The way I’m feeling, I’d be content with taking a shower and eating something that’s not a Hot Pocket.